First Dates
by Mizvoy
Summary: Chakotay talks about what might have happened following Endgame. JC


Disclaimer: Star Trek and crews belong to Paramount. I just like to play with them.  
  
Summary: Chakotay's thoughts about what (might have) happened following Endgame.  
  
  
  
First Dates  
  
I should've known better. I'm not an inexperienced teenager, and I'm very familiar with Seven of Nine's unusual approach to new experiences, yet I was flattered and desperate to find an outlet for my passionate nature. I had never gone so long without a steady date, and I didn't see many other options on Voyager.  
  
When I heard about Seven of Nine's romantic experiments with my hologram, I decided to follow up on it in person. Of course, Seven responded enthusiastically and things progressed "by the numbers." Maybe if we had remained on the ship, insulated from the rest of humanity, we might have made a go of it. Apparently we did in Admiral Janeway's timeline. But once the admiral arrived on the scene, all bets were off. Everything changed.  
  
The change started when the admiral tried to convince Seven into going along with her plan to get the ship home early. She told Seven that she would die and that those who loved her would never be the same. Of course, Seven thought she meant me, and she did, but she also meant herself. The admiral claimed I was never the same after Seven died, and neither was the admiral. So, what does that mean? Kathryn loves Seven, too, like the daughter she never had. Just who was the admiral really trying to help, herself or me?  
  
Anyway, once the admiral mentioned this possible future event, Seven fixated on it. She suddenly realized just how serious it was to get involved with someone, and she pulled away from me. I didn't want to let her, of course, but I was very busy elsewhere. Kathryn needed me once we got home, my Maquis crew needed me, and Seven didn't need me, at all. She was the most popular of all the Voyager "heroes." She was inundated by kind, helpful people, many of them young, eligible males, and it was just a matter of time before someone else caught her interest. I should've seen it coming.  
  
Kathryn consoled me by reminding me that love is blind, that I saw in Seven just what I wanted to see. She was right, of course, but her comments just made me mad. We were such close friends that I really thought of her as a sister, not a woman. It had to be that way because of our command relationship, and, as it turned out, it worked out for the best that we had never gotten romantically involved.  
  
I could sense Kathryn's worries as soon as I took the helm after we made it home. She should've been relieved, happy, celebrating. Instead, she sat down in her command chair and brooded. I was pretty busy for awhile, getting the ship underway and remembering the protocols for travelling with so many other ships. Once the helm was set, though, I had some time to think about things from Kathryn's perspective. Not for the first time, I was glad I wasn't the captain.  
  
Starfleet would not be happy with Admiral Janeway's decision to rewrite twenty-six years of Federation history, and even though Kathryn wasn't the admiral, the actions taken by her future self proves that she is capable of such an infraction. She might never be promoted because of that, and I still believe that's terribly unfair. Kathryn isn't the admiral, never lived the life the admiral lived. But, Starfleet doesn't see things that way.  
  
She was also worried about the Maquis. So was I, to tell the truth, but I'd never really let myself become upset about it. I always thought it'd be years before we got home, if we ever did, and by that time the Maquis would be a dim memory. Kathryn was too good a captain to ignore such a serious threat to her people. I don't think she remembered who came from which ship, to tell the truth. When she adopts someone into her crew, she takes them warts and all, for better or worse. I admire that in her.  
  
She was also concerned about Seven. She hadn't adopted Seven into just the crew; Seven was a true member of Kathryn's family. She was right to be concerned, as it turned out. The Federation basically fell into two camps when it came to Seven's future. One camp wanted to accept her as a human and ignore her Borg history. That had been Kathryn's approach, of course, even though we made use of her unique abilities whenever we could. The other camp was afraid of her and wanted to treat her like a prisoner of war. The extremists wanted to disassemble her or take her nanoprobes and use them for their own purposes.  
  
I thought, once we were in orbit, that I'd be able to join the others in celebrating our achievement, to make my attachment to Seven a matter of public record, but Starfleet had different ideas. While Kathryn dismissed as much of the crew as possible, she asked me to join her in the ready room where we spent the next several hours trying to come to terms with what would happen next. She explained that my role was not just as her first officer but as the Maquis' commanding officer, and I knew she was right. There were so many important questions that had to be worked out, from the immediate disposition of the crew, to the time and place we'd be allowed to see our loved ones, to the legal wrangling over Tom, the Maquis, and the Equinox Five (as Starfleet called them), to the questions about Admiral Janeway's breaking of the Temporal Prime Directive and our precipitous return to the Alpha Quadrant.  
  
Before I knew it, hours had past while Kathryn and I hammered out our strategy for dealing with the authorities. I should mention here how much I enjoy arguing with Kathryn. She fights fair and never gets personal, but she's a true challenge, always a step ahead of me, always aware of the personal undercurrents as the debate develops. She wanted to take everything on her own shoulders, including the blame for the admiral's actions, but I couldn't let her do that. Just like the admiral, Kathryn wants to give up her life, her career, her happiness for her crew. She would've made a great mother. But, I had decided years before that I would always stand beside her, always support her, always lessen her burden. I wasn't about to stop.  
  
In the meantime, Seven found herself without a job. Astrometrics becomes less problematic in Sector 001, so she apparently joined the doctor at the big party in the mess hall. I found out from B'Elanna that the two of them were deep in conversation for hours while the captain and I worked out our strategy, so I confronted the doctor later. He was pretty sheepish about the whole thing, apologetic.  
  
He knew Seven was dating someone, but he didn't dream it was me. I can understand that, of course. I had always treated Seven as the captain's project, interacting with her only in an official capacity. The doctor told her that he was happy we were home so Kathryn and I could finally act on our love for each other. Seven had never realized there was an attraction between the command team, and why should she? We'd pretty much gotten past that by the time we found Seven, and, in many ways, Seven was too naïve about human emotions to pick up on it. That conversation with the doctor was the final straw that convinced her to drop our budding romance. No one means more to Seven than the Captain, and Seven wasn't about to ruin Kathryn's chance for happiness. I didn't have a chance.  
  
By the time I arrived at the party, Seven was regenerating. By the time she'd finished regenerating, Kathryn and I were at Starfleet Command fighting for all our futures. We were there for three solid days, held incommunicado, and when we returned to the ship, Seven's family had claimed her-the solution Kathryn had fought for tooth and nail. It took us another three weeks to get the Maquis released, to keep Starfleet from throwing Kathryn in the brig, to allow the field commissions Kathryn had given us to stick.  
  
Three weeks is a long time in a budding romance, especially when one person has decided to move on. I tried to communicate with Seven on a regular basis, but our schedule was erratic, and Seven was in high demand. She appeared time and again on the news and talk shows, quickly gaining in popularity and notoriety. Her family provided plenty of willing escorts for the receptions and events she attended, and, with time, I noticed she was irregular in replying to my messages.  
  
As soon as we'd finished the preliminary debriefings, I beamed to Sweden to see Seven, who now had taken the name Annika again. The Borg device she'd had removed to allow her to feel deeper emotion had resulted in strong feelings toward her family. Plus, she'd met quite a few charming men who weren't burdened with command responsibilities and weren't twenty years her senior. From the first moment I saw her in person, I knew it was all over. Really, I knew it wasn't going to start. It was awkward, but we got through it. After all, I'd seen it coming.  
  
I beamed back to the ship two hours later. Kathryn was still in her ready room, finishing up personnel reports. It takes forever to do 145 evaluations, and she'd insisted I go see Seven while she worked. Starfleet was also demanding that we go through all seven years of logs before we'd be released or reassigned. Kathryn wanted to do them on her own, but I wasn't going to let that happen. Those admirals have no idea what it feels like to be completely on your own the way we were, and I intended to be there to back up her decisions.  
  
When I walked into the ready room so soon after leaving, she was almost too surprised to talk. "What are you doing here?" she asked me. "I thought you were going to see Seven."  
  
"Annika. She goes by Annika Hansen now."  
  
She invited me to sit down beside her on the sofa. "That's a good sign. Right?"  
  
"She's making rapid progress. She's connected well with her family, and she's a natural celebrity. You'd be proud of her."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But, she's moved on."  
  
Kathryn frowned. "Moved on? She's seeing someone else?"  
  
I sagged against the back of the sofa. "Several someone elses. She's the most popular woman in Sweden-on Earth-in the entire Federation-in recent memory. Her aunt is busy acting as her social secretary." I rubbed my face with my hands. "She managed to work me into Annika's busy schedule for a brief meeting this afternoon."  
  
I could feel Kathryn's eyes on me as she studied my reaction. "She's moved on. I am surprised."  
  
"Why? She's a young, beautiful woman with a unique, interesting history. Why wouldn't she be popular with the men her own age? Why would she tie herself down to an old broken down man like me?"  
  
Somehow, Kathryn repressed a smile, though I could see the corner of her mouth twitch in the process. "You're hardly an 'old broken down man,' Chakotay. In fact, it seems to me that you're pretty popular with the public, too."  
  
"I should never have gone out with Seven. It was a relationship destined to failure." A funny look crossed Kathryn's face, and she turned quickly away. "What?" I asked her. "What is it?"  
  
"I shouldn't tell you. Temporal prime directive."  
  
I knew at once that she was talking about the admiral. "What did she tell you?"  
  
Kathryn paused, then sighed. "One of the reasons she came back was to prevent Seven's death three years from now in the Delta Quadrant."  
  
"I know. She told Seven all about it."  
  
Kathryn's eyes regarded me sadly. "She also told me that Seven died in her husband's arms. Your arms, Chakotay."  
  
My mouth hung open in amazement. Then I laughed. What else could I do? It was ironic. Absurd. "I don't believe it."  
  
"Why would she lie about something like that?"  
  
"But Seven and I had barely even started our relationship."  
  
"Apparently, in the admiral's timeline, it progressed quickly. Frankly, I expected the same thing would happen again."  
  
"Obviously, our future has changed."  
  
Kathryn put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "The admiral probably thought you were already seriously involved with each other. She expected the relationship to develop here just as it did in her timeline. I'm sure she did."  
  
"But why? She knew that once we were back Seven would no longer be limited to the crew of Voyager for male companionship. The whole Federation is her oyster!"  
  
Kathryn stood up and paced, obviously struggling with another bit of information. I watched her pace, waiting for her to find the words she needed. "The admiral couldn't imagine why Seven would want to look elsewhere, Chakotay."  
  
"But why wouldn't she? The admiral was a brilliant woman. I can't imagine her-or you-failing to consider every angle of a situation."  
  
Kathryn stood at the replicator, where she ordered coffee and then studied the mug as if the mysteries of the universe were lurking under the coffee's dark surface. She said softly, "Perhaps it was because she couldn't imagine anyone but you herself. How could Seven, how could any woman, want anyone but you?"  
  
For a moment, I didn't really process what she'd said. Then, it hit me. "You're telling me that the admiral wanted me? That she loved me?"  
  
Her eyes were dark with emotion. "Enough to give you up, Chakotay. Enough to give you to Seven with the hope-and the prayer-that you would be happy." She looked away from me, but I could see the tears in her eyes. "I don't know what caused Seven's death, but it ruined the admiral's friendship with you. Maybe the admiral sent her into a no-win situation. Maybe she argued with you about it and did it against your wishes. She refused to tell me." She brushed a tear from her eye. "She had lost Tuvok to insanity. To lose your friendship, too, must have been more than she could bear. She lived like that for thirteen more years. I know I couldn't endure losing both of you."  
  
I had to let all she had just told me sink in. If the admiral had loved me, then Kathryn must love me, too. And, like her future self, she must have loved me enough to let me go. "'How could anyone want anyone but me?'" I repeated her words. I went to her, turned her to face me. "Kathryn, what are you saying? If you love me, how could you not say something? How could you let my relationship with Seven go on without saying something?"  
  
Now the tears spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks. "As long as we were out there," she glanced out the window, "I couldn't tell you how I felt. Then, when we came home, I knew you were involved with Seven. I didn't want to hurt either of you." She looked down at the mug again, which trembled in her hands. "I thought it was too late."  
  
I took the mug from her hands, placed it on the table, and then put my arms around her. "Kathryn, I have always loved you. I always will. I didn't think you loved me back. I was trying to move on, to find someone else. But, you are the woman of my dreams."  
  
"I love you back." She said it softly, but with such conviction that I almost fainted with joy. She put her arms around my waist. "I've always loved you back."  
  
The anguish I'd felt at losing Seven was replaced with unexpected bliss as I leaned down and gently kissed Kathryn, my captain, for the first time. Annika Hansen was younger, perhaps more beautiful, and certainly more naïve. But, the woman in my arms was the most complex, the most fascinating, and the most challenging person I'd ever met. In seven years, I'd never tired of looking at her, of talking to her, of working with her. She was my best friend, my closest confidante, my soul mate.  
  
"Thank God you've told me," I whispered. "Thank God the admiral changed our futures."  
  
She reached up and brushed the tears from my face. "You're crying, Chakotay!"  
  
"Tears of joy, Kathryn. Tears of happiness."  
  
We didn't get much work done that night, or the next day, either. In fact, we decided to take a couple of weeks off and get away from everything and everyone. We found a secluded cabin near a river, and we started building a boat. No one seemed surprised when they learned of our relationship, and Seven seemed genuinely happy for us.  
  
Years later, I realized that the admiral would've known how new my relationship had been with Seven. Before that incident, I was always with Kathryn; it was just then that I had begun to spend my time elsewhere, with someone else. At some point, perhaps when we finally informed the admiral of our romance, Seven and I would have said when we first started dating. I suspect that she wanted to save Seven's life, all right. But she also wanted to give Kathryn and me one last chance to be together.  
  
Thank you, Admiral Janeway. 


End file.
